How do I forgive myself?

1655–1662 · William Gurnall, The Christian in Complete Armour Part 9. Division Second.—The Assailants described Positively. ‘But against

When a poor soul is staved off the promise by the sense of his own unworthiness and great unrighteousness. Tell him of a pardon, alas! he is so wrapped up with the thoughts of his own vileness, that you cannot fasten it upon him. What, will God ever take such a toad as he is into his bosom, discount so many great abominations at once, and receive him into his favour, that hath been so long in rebellious arms against him! He cannot believe it; no, though he hears what Christ hath done and suffered for sin, he refuseth to be comforted. Little doth the soul think what a bitter root such thoughts spring from. Thou thinkest thou doest well thus to declaim against thyself, and aggravate thy sins. Indeed, thou canst not paint them black enough, or entertain too low and base thoughts of thyself for them; but what wrong hath God and Christ done thee, that thou shouldst so unworthily reflect upon the mercy of the one, and merit of the other? Mayest thou not do this, and be tender of the good name of God also? Is there no way to show the sense of thy sin, except thou asperse thy Saviour? Canst thou not charge thyself, but thou must condemn God, and put Christ and his blood to shame before Satan, who triumphs more in this than all thy other sins? In a word, though thou, like a wretch, hast undone thyself, and damned thy soul by thy sins, yet art thou not willing God should have the glory of pardoning them, and Christ the honour of procuring the same? or art thou like him in the gospel, who could not dig, and to beg was ashamed?

1867 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 13 (1867) 779

Perhaps there is someone here who is recollecting in his mind some gross sin of fearful name into which he fell in bygone years but which he never will forget, let him live for centuries. God has forgiven him, but he never can forgive himself. Some of the old bones of former feasts with Satan will stick in our throat. It matters not though we have humbled ourselves a hundred times for them, we still have need to say with David, "Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions."

1888 · Marcus Dods, The Expositor's Bible: The Book of Genesis Chapter IV. Cain's Line, and Enoch

But it is one thing to forgive ourselves, another thing to have God’s forgiveness. It is one thing to reconcile ourselves to the curse that runs through our life, another thing to be reconciled to God and so defeat the curse. It is sometimes, though by no means always, possible to escape some of the consequences of sin: we can change our front so as to lessen the breadth of life that is exposed to them, or we can accustom and harden ourselves to a very second-rate kind of life. We can teach ourselves to live without much love in our homes or in our connections with those outside; we can learn to be satisfied if we can pay our way and make the time pass and be outwardly like other people; we can build a little city, and be content to be on no very friendly terms with any but the select few inside the trench, and actually be quite satisfied if we can defend ourselves against the rest of men; we can forget the one commandment, that we should love one another. We can all find much in the world to comfort, to lull, to soothe sorrowful but wholesome remembrances; much to aid us in an easy treatment of the curse; much to shed superficial brightness on a life darkened and debased by sin, much to hush up the sad echoes that mutter from the dark mountains of vanity we have left behind us, much that assures us we have nothing to do but forget our old sins and busily occupy ourselves with new duties. But no David will say, nor will any man of true spiritual discernment say, “Blessed is the man whose transgression is forgotten;” but only, “Blessed is the man whose transgression is forgiven.” By all means make a fresh start, a new beginning, but let it be in your own broken heart, in a spirit humble and contrite, frankly acknowledging your guilt and finding rest and settlement for your soul in reconciliation with God.

1894 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 40 (1894) 2372

Did you ever try to fathom the depth of mercy that lies in the forgiveness of a single sin? There are some sins in our lives which will always be remembered by us. That night when you gave way to that one particular fit of temper which led to that one dreadful act of sin, has God forgiven that? Ah, yes, for "all manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men." When you cannot forgive yourself, yet you may know that God has, for Christ's sake, forgiven you. You may have all the more pleasure in knowing that He has forgiven you because you cannot forgive yourself. That sin which overwhelms you and lays you in the very abyss as you remember it—that is the sin God delights to pardon! What a blessing it is that it is so, that we are able to assure you that, "He delights in mercy," and especially in this particular form of mercy, the blotting out of sin!

1917 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 63 (1917) 3563

Do take the words with all their weight of meaning, for though taught in our catechisms, embodied in our creeds, and admitted in our ordinary conversation on religious subjects, the belief in the forgiveness of sins is not always sincere and hearty. When the guilt of sin is felt and the burden of sin grows heavy—and when the wound stinks and is corrupt, as the Psalmist says—we are very apt to doubt the possibility of pardon, or, at least, of our own pardon. Under deep conviction of sin and a sense of the peculiar heinousness of our own guilt, there is a haze and more than a haze—a thick fog which hides the light of this Doctrine from our view! We think all men pardonable except ourselves. We can believe in the Doctrine of Forgiveness of Sin for blasphemers, for thieves, for drunkards, even for murderers—but there is some particular aggravation in the sins which we have committed that appear to us to admit of no place of repentance, to find no promise of absolution. So, writing bitter things against ourselves, we become our own accusers and our own judges—and seem as if we would even become our own executioners! In our distraction we are thus prone to doubt that our transgression can be forgiven.

c. 1550 · Louis of Blois, Spiritual Works The Rule of the Spiritual Life, Chapter I. The Confidence in God of a Repentant Sinner

How ever many and enormous may have been thy sins, thou shouldst never despair of pardon. Hast thou fallen? arise, turn to the Physician of thy soul, and the bowels of His pity will be open to thee. Hast thou fallen again! again arise, groan and cry out; and the mercy of thy Redeemer will receive thee. Hast thou fallen three, four times, yea oftener? arise again, weep, sigh, humble thyself; and thy God will not desert thee. He never has despised nor will He ever despise a contrite heart (Psalm l. 19); He never has rejected and never will reject those who fly to Him in true repentance. If thou cease not to arise, He will not cease to receive thee.

1566 · Martin Luther, Table Talk 7

I believe if the apostles had not fallen, they would not have believed in the remission of sins. Therefore, when the devil upbraids me, touching my sins, then I say; Good St Peter, although I am a great sinner, yet I have not denied Christ my Saviour, as you did. In such instances the forgiveness of sins remains confirmed.

1673 · Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory Chapter VII

To magnify mercy when we see the greatness of our sin, and to love much because much is forgiven, this is to please God, and answer the very design and end of our redemption: but to magnify sin, and extenuate mercy, and to say, My sin is greater than can be forgiven, this is to please the devil, and to cross God's design in the work of our redemption. Is your disease so great that no other can cure it? It is the fitter for Christ to honour his office upon, and God to honour his love and mercy on. Do but "come to him that you may have life," and you shall find that no greatness of sin past, will cause him to refuse you; nor any infirmities which you are willing to be rid of, shall cause him to disown you, or cast you out. The prodigal is not so much as upbraided with his sins, but finds himself, before he is aware, in his father's arms, clothed with the best robes, the ring and shoes, and joyfully entertained with a feast. Remember that there is enough in Christ and the promise, to pardon and heal all sins which thou art willing to forsake.

1679 · Thomas Manton, Works, vol. III A Practical Exposition Upon the Firty-third Chapter of Isaiah, The Sixth Verse

We are all apt to say, as Peter, Luke v. 8, ‘Lord, depart from me, for I am a sinful man.’ Do not you make God to eye something without himself now to incline him to this? Alas! it is all one to God whether you are great or little sinners. The spring and rise of his love in giving Christ to you is from his own bowels; and if there be any difference in this kind it is in this, that the greater sins comply with God’s ends and designs. And therefore it is sometimes an argument used to God, that though they can bring him no other thing, they can bring him wickedness enough. Thus David saith, ‘Pardon my sin, for it is great,’ Ps. xxv. 11; so Isa. xliii. 24, 25, ‘Thou hast bought me no sweet cane with money, neither hast thou filled me with the fat of thy sacrifices, but thou hast made me to serve with thy sins, and hast wearied me with thine iniquities.’ What followeth? A man would think terrible, thundering words. No; it is a sweet and evangelical promise; ‘I, even I, am he that blotteth out your transgressions, for my own sake, and will not remember thy sins.’

1875 · Hannah Whitall Smith, The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life 13

In a few moments’ conversation she found out his trouble, and at once said, “You sinned in that act, there is no doubt about it, and I do not want you to try and excuse it. But have you never confessed it to the Lord and asked Him to forgive you?” “Confessed it!” he exclaimed, “why it seems to me I have done nothing but confess it, and entreat God to forgive me night and day for all these three dreadful years.” “And you have never believed He did forgive you?” asked the lady. “No,” said the poor man, “how could I, for I never felt as if He did?” “But suppose He had said He forgave you, would not that have done as well as for you to feel it?” “Oh, yes,” replied the man, “if God said it, of course I would believe it.” “Very well, He does say so,” was the lady’s answer, and she turned to the verse we have taken above (1 John 1:9) and read it aloud. “Now,” she continued, “you have been all these three years confessing and confessing your sin, and all the while God’s record has been declaring that He was faithful and just to forgive it and to cleanse you, and yet you have never once believed it. You have been ‘making God a liar’ all this while by refusing to believe His record.” The poor man saw the whole thing, and was dumb with amazement and consternation; and when the lady proposed they should kneel down, and that he should confess his past unbelief and sin, and should claim, then and there, a present forgiveness and a present cleansing, he obeyed like one in a maze.

1880 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 26 (1880) 1555

Your debt has been paid and can never be demanded of you. Christ nailed the receipted bill to His Cross in the face of Heaven and earth and Hell! Eternal Justice cannot charge you with sins which were, once and for all, charged on your great Substitute and borne by Him. God is not unrighteous to first punish Christ and then to punish those for whom Christ died—to take the payment first from Christ and afterwards from you—from the Surety and then from the debtor. No, no! Rest, then, in perfect peace.

1890 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 36 (1890) 2181

Many a man has to carry in his bones the sins of his youth and though the physical consequences may not be averted, yet I would have him trust in Christ, that the guilt is, notwithstanding, blotted out. We may lead another into sin and that other may perish—and yet, amazing Grace—we may be saved. When David was forgiven, he could not restore Uriah to life, who had been slain through his wicked device.

1891 · Andrew Murray, The New Life: Words of God for Young Disciples 14

The forgiveness of sins, received anew in living faith every day, is a bond that binds anew to Jesus and His service. (John 13:14,15; Rom. 7:1; 1 Cor. 6:20; Eph. 5:25,26; Tit. 2:14; 1 Pet. 1:17,18) Then the forgiveness of former sins always gives courage to go immediately anew with every new sin and trustfully to take forgiveness. (Ex. 34:6,7; Matt. 28:21; Luke 1:77,78) Look, however, to one thing: the certitude of forgiveness must not be a matter of memory or understanding, but the fruit of life -- living converse with the forgiving Father, with Jesus in whom we have forgiveness. (Eph. 2:13,18; Phil. 3:9; Col. 1:21,22) It is not enough to know that I once received forgiveness: my life in the love of God, my living intercourse with Jesus by faith -- this makes the forgiveness of sin again always new and powerful -- the joy and the life of my soul.

1891 · Andrew Murray, The New Life: Words of God for Young Disciples 14

In connection with surrender to the Lord, it was said that the first great blessing of the grace of God was this -- the free, complete, everlasting forgiveness of all your sins. For the young Christian it is of great moment that he should stand fast in this forgiveness of his sins, and always carry the certitude of it about with him.

1899 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 45 (1899) 2614

We talk about the forgiveness of sins, I fear, rather glibly, without always realizing what a great thing it is. You know that when Martin Luther was in deep distress of soul, a good old monk said to him, "Brother, can you not say the Credo?" "Yes," said Luther. "Well, then," replied the old man, "in the Credo you say, 'I believe in the forgiveness of sins.'" "Yes," said Luther, "I know that. I have often said it." "Then," enquired the other, "do you believe in the forgiveness of your own sin? For, if not, how can you say, 'I believe in the forgiveness of sins'?" This great Truth is sometimes spoken of as though forgiveness were an impalpable something that was done and yet not done, but Christ never meant it to be so. His death was not a shadowy, vague Atonement that might possibly be available for sinners, but a real and complete putting away of sin and, as many as believe in Him may know for sure that their sin is put away and is as completely gone as if it had actually ceased to be, seeing that Christ bore the punishment of it.

1901 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 47 (1901) 2743

What, then, is the true place of repentance? It is this—I trust Christ, just as I am, to forgive me. I have God's assurance that I am forgiven, seeing that I am trusting Christ. What, then, do I feel? I am forgiven. My transgression is covered—my iniquities are all washed away. O my Savior, how I love You! And the next thought is, "O my sins, how I hate you!" This feeling naturally grows out of a sense of Divine Love.

1903 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 49 (1903) 2852

Weep at the remembrance of your guilt, but weep on Calvary, weep with the wounds of Christ before you! And oh, I pray you, do not do my Lord the great dishonor to say that He cannot forgive you! It is you who will not believe in Him! It is certainly not with Him that the difficulty lies. He is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him, seeing He ever lives to make intercession for them.

1906 · Hannah Whitall Smith, The God of All Comfort 10

But the question may be asked whether, when there has been actual sin, there ought not to be self-examination and self-reproach at least for a time. This is a fallacy which deceives a great many. It seems too much to believe that we can be forgiven without first going through a season of self-reproach. But what is the Bible teaching? John tells us that if we confess our sins (not bewail them, nor yet try to excuse them), but simply confess them, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. All that God wants is that we should turn to Him at once, acknowledge our sin, and believe in His forgiveness; and every minute that we delay doing this, in order to spend the time in self-examination and self-reproach, is only adding further sin to that which we have already committed.

1916 · Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Spurgeon's Sermons, Volume 62 (1916) 3506

We would recall to-night those greater sins of our life, sins perhaps which entangled others. sins which we perpetrated in the face of knowledge, after many warnings, desperate. atrocious sins. Oh! what mercy that we were not cut down while we were living in them! We turn them over and remember them, not, I trust, as some do, I am afraid, when they speak of their past lives, as if they were talking about their battles and they were old soldiers—never mention your sins without tears. Do not write much about them, if at all; it is best to do with them as Noah's sons did with their father's nakedness, go back and cast a mantle over all. God has forgiven them. Remember them only that you may repent, and that you may bless his name, but never mention them without loathing them—utterly loathing them as if they were disgusting to your spirit, and you could not speak of them without the blush mantling on your cheek.