How do I deal with grief?

“Blessed are they that mourn.” Now what mourner does not desire consolation? “They,” saith He, “shall be comforted.”

Augustine of Hippo, Sermons on Selected Lessons of the New Testament 5 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 6)

Hear, brethren; We are Christians, and yet if any one’s son dies, he mourns for him but does not mourn for him if he sins. It is then, when he sees him sinning, that he ought to make mourning for him, to lament over him.

Augustine of Hippo, Expositions on the Book of Psalms 38 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 8)

And just as the roots of trees are bitter in themselves, and yet produce our sweetest fruits, so, verily, godly sorrow will bring us an abundant pleasure. They know, who have often prayed with anguish, and shed tears, what gladness they have reaped; how they purged the conscience; how they rose up with favourable hopes! For as I am always saying, it is not the nature of the things, but our disposition, which is wont to make us sad or joyful. If then we can render the latter such as it ought to be, we shall have a pledge for all gladness.

John Chrysostom, The Homilies on the Statues to the People of Antioch 20 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 9)

And here too again he designated not simply all that mourn, but all that do so for sins: since surely that other kind of mourning is forbidden, and that earnestly, which relates to anything of this life. This Paul also clearly declared, when he said, “The sorrow of the world worketh death, but godly sorrow worketh repentance unto salvation, not to be repented of.”

John Chrysostom, The Homilies of St. John Chrysostom 18 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 10)

The joy that is according to God is, when men place all their happiness in God, and take satisfaction in His grace, and show this by contempt of the world, using earthly prosperity as if they used it not, and joyful in the midst of adversity. Accordingly, the sorrow of the world is, when men despond in consequence of earthly afflictions, and are overwhelmed with grief; while sorrow according to God is that which has an eye to God, while they reckon it the one misery — to have lost the favor of God; when, impressed with fear of His judgment, they mourn over their sins. This sorrow Paul makes the cause and origin of repentance.

John Calvin, Commentary on Corinthians, Vol. 2 7.3 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 40)

It is better to go to the house of mourning, and there weep with those that weep, than to go to the house of feasting, to a wedding, or a wake, there to rejoice with those that do rejoice. It will do us more good, and make better impressions upon us. We may lawfully go to both, as there is occasion. Our Saviour both feasted at the wedding of his friend in Cana and wept at the grave of his friend in Bethany; and we may possibly glorify God, and do good, and get good, in the house of feasting; but, considering how apt we are to be vain and frothy, proud and secure, and indulgent of the flesh, it is better for us to go to the house of mourning, not to see the pomp of the funeral, but to share in the sorrow of it, and to learn good lessons, both from the dead, who is going thence to his long home, and from the mourners, who go about the streets.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Ecclesiastes 7.1 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 3)

This psalm is a lamentation, one of the most melancholy of all the psalms; and it does not conclude, as usually the melancholy psalms do, with the least intimation of comfort or joy, but, from first to last, it is mourning and woe. It is not upon a public account that the psalmist here complains (here is no mention of the afflictions of the church), but only upon a personal account, especially trouble of mind, and the grief impressed upon his spirits both by his outward afflictions and by the remembrance of his sins and the fear of God's wrath. It is reckoned among the penitential psalms, and it is well when our fears are thus turned into the right channel, and we take occasion from our worldly grievances to sorrow after a godly sort.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Psalms 88.0 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 3)

Note, Those who make the delights of sense their chief joy, their exceeding joy, since these are things they may easily be deprived of in a little time subject themselves to the tyranny of the greatest grief; whereas those who rejoice in God may do that even when the fig-tree does not blossom and there is no fruit in the vine. These Moabites lost not only their wine, but their water too: Even the waters of Nimrim shall be desolate ( v. 34 ), and therefore their grief grew extravagantly loud and noisy, and their lamentations were heard in all placed like the lowing of a heifer of three years old. The expressions here are borrowed from Isa. xv. 5, 6 . 3. All their neighbours are called to mourn with them, and to condole with them on their ruin ( v. 17 ): All you that are about him bemoan him, Let him have that allay to his grief, let him see himself pities by the adjoining countries.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Jeremiah 48.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 4)

He wept that thou, man, mightest not weep long. He endured insult, that thou mightest not grieve over the wrong done to thee.

Ambrose of Milan, Exposition of the Christian Faith 4.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 10)

And what wonder if He grieved for all, Who wept for one? What wonder if, in the hour of death, He is heavy for all, Who wept when at the point to raise Lazarus from the dead? Then, indeed, He was moved by a loving sister’s tears, for they touched His human heart,—here by secret grief He brought it to pass that, even as His death made an end of death, and His stripes healed our scars, so also His sorrow took away our sorrow.

Ambrose of Milan, Exposition of the Christian Faith 4.8 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 10)

He weepeth, and is troubled; for grief is wont to stir up the feelings.

John Chrysostom, The Homilies of St. John Chrysostom on the Gospel of St. John 65 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 14)

Christ's tender sympathy with his afflicted friends, and the share he took to himself in their sorrows, which appeared three ways:— 1. By the inward groans and troubles of his spirit ( v. 33 ): Jesus saw Mary weeping for the loss of a loving brother, and the Jews that came with her weeping for the loss of a good neighbour and friend; when he saw what a place of weepers, a bochim, this was, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on John 11.3 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

First, She complains of Christ's long absence and delay. She said it, not only with grief for the death of her brother, but with some resentment of the seeming unkindness of the Master: Lord if you hadst been here, my brother had not died. Here is, 1. Some evidence of faith. She believed Christ's power, that, though her brother's sickness was very grievous, yet he could have cured it, and so have prevented his death. She believed his pity, that if he had but seen Lazarus in his extreme illness, and his dear relations all in tears about him, he would have had compassion, and have prevented so sad a breach, for his compassions fail not.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on John 11.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

And how tender did his heart appear to be, on occasion of Mary's and Martha's mourning for their brother, and coming to him with their complaints and tears! Their tears soon drew tears from his eyes he was affected with their grief, and wept with them; though he knew their sorrow should so soon be turned into joy, by their brother's being raised from the dead; see John 11.

Jonathan Edwards, Religious Affections 1.0

The boundless compassion of our Lord Jesus Christ to His believing people comes out wonderfully in this verse. He can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities. He knows how weak our bodily frame is, and how excessive sorrow can so unnerve and stupefy our minds. He can pass over much darkness of understanding and much slowness of comprehension when He sees real, genuine, hearty, bold, persevering, thorough love to Himself and His Person. We see this prominently brought out in His dealing with Mary Magdalene, when He revealed Himself to her. He graciously pardons her forgetfulness of His oft-repeated declaration that He would rise again after His death, pities her deep sorrow, and abundantly rewards her love.

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on John John 20:11-18 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 4)

What consolation to thousands of the bereaved has this single verse carried from age to age!

Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Fausset, and Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible Luke 7

But the lightning of the wrath dissolved soon into the rain of pity and of sorrow, and, as we read, ‘Jesus wept.’ Looking upon the weeping Mary and the lamenting crowd, and Himself feeling the pain of the parting from the friend whom He loved, the tears, which are the confession of human nature that it is passing through an emotion too deep for words, came to His all-seeing eyes.

Alexander Maclaren, St John Chaps. I to XIV 1.46 (Expositions of Holy Scripture, Vol. 10)

The change wrought by the Cross in the relation of Death to Man. For that death is destroyed, and that the Cross is become the victory over it, and that it has no more power but is verily dead, this is no small proof, or rather an evident warrant, that it is despised by all Christ’s disciples, and that they all take the aggressive against it and no longer fear it; but by the sign of the Cross and by faith in Christ tread it down as dead. 2. For of old, before the divine sojourn of the Saviour took place, even to the saints death was terrible , and all wept for the dead as though they perished. But now that the Saviour has raised His body, death is no longer terrible; for all who believe in Christ tread him under as nought, and choose rather to die than to deny their faith in Christ.

Athanasius of Alexandria, The Incarnation of the Word 2.27 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 4)

Now it is that I have tasted the taste of his sorrow, even of him who weeps over his beloved. … If I thus suffer for the departure of him, the youth who was restored to life, blessed is He Who had compassion on the widow; in her only son He gave peace to her dwelling that had been made desolate. … For when the dead shall have left Sheol, for every man there will be resurrection, and for me alone torment.

Ephrem the Syrian, Ephraim Syrus:  The Nisibene Hymns 26 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 13)

Hardly had she escaped from the hands of the barbarians, hardly had she ceased weeping for the virgins whom they had torn from her arms, when she was overwhelmed by a sudden and unbearable bereavement, one too which she had had no cause to fear, the death of her loving son. Yet as one who was to be grandmother to a Christian virgin, she bore up against this death-dealing stroke, strong in hope of the future and proving true of herself the words of the lyric: “Should the round world in fragments burst, its fall May strike the just, may slay, but not appal.”

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 130 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

Ver. 13 . “But we would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning them that are asleep; that ye sorrow not, even as the rest, which have no hope.” These two things, poverty and despondency, distressed them most, which also pertain to all men. See therefore how he remedies them.

John Chrysostom, Homilies on First Thessalonians 6 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 13)

No doubt faith would prevent the shedding of tears, yet affection forced out groans. For there was as sacred an exultation over the glory to which he had attained, as there was a pious sorrow on account of his death. One would have been inclined to pardon those who wept, as well as to congratulate those who rejoiced, while each single person preferred that he himself should grieve, but that another should rejoice. Thus then this multitude, singing hymns of heaven, attended the body of the sainted man onwards to the place of sepulture.

Sulpitius Severus, The Letters of Sulpitius Severus 3 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 11)

The angels forbade her tears: for by such a position what else did they announce, but that which in some way or other was a future joy? For they put the question, “Why weepest thou?” as if they had said, Weep not. … This was the greater cause of sorrow, because she knew not where to go to mitigate her grief.

Augustine of Hippo, Lectures or Tractates on the Gospel According to St. John 122 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 7)

To whom James said: This ought not to be called a death, but a sleep, for anon after we shall rise again. And the prince said: Let not the Nazarene deceive thee saying death is nothing but a sleep, for the great emperors doubt it. And James said: We doubt nothing the death, for we hope to go from death to life. And then the prince, by counsel of his friends, gave this sentence upon James, that he should be cut every member from other, for to fear the others. And then some had pity on him and wept, and he said to them: Weep not for me, for I go to life, but weep on yourselves, whom torments perdurable be due unto.

Jacobus de Voragine, The Golden Legend 3 (Vol. 7)

Christ by his sufferings has altered the property of death, and made it a true friend to every true Israelite; and now, as there needs nothing to make death propitious to us (for, if God be so, death is so of course), so we sorrow not as those that have no hope.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Leviticus 19.3 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 1)

When the merciful are taken away, it should be laid to heart, especially by those to whom they have been in a particular manner merciful. They need not weep for her; she is taken from the evil to come, she rests from her labours and her works follow her, besides those she leaves behind her: but they weep for themselves and for their children, who will soon find the want of such a good woman, that has not left her fellow. Observe, They take notice of what good Dorcas did while she was with them, but now she is gone from them, and this is their grief.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Acts 9.5 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 6)

Heaven will be heaven indeed to those that go thither through many and great calamities in this world; of those that had grace, but had little of the comfort of it here (perhaps their souls refused to be comforted), yet, when they are fallen asleep in Christ, you may truly say, "Now they are comforted: now all their tears are wiped away, and all their fears are vanished." In heaven there is everlasting consolation.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Luke 16.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

They sleep in Jesus. They are asleep, v. 13 . They have fallen asleep in Christ, 1 Cor. xv. 18 . Death does not annihilate them. It is but a sleep to them. It is their rest, and undisturbed rest. They have retired out of this troublesome world, to rest from all their labours and sorrows, and they sleep in Jesus, v. 14 . Being still in union with him, they sleep in his arms and are under his special care and protection. Their souls are in his presence, and their dust is under his care and power; so that they are not lost, nor are they losers, but great gainers by death, and their removal out of this world is into a better.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on First Thessalonians 4.3 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 6)

When bereaved of those whom we love, we are not to "sorrow as those who have no hope." When tried by cares about this life, we are not to be over-anxious, as if we had no God, and no Christ.

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on Matthew Matthew 6:25-34 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 1)

As this is offered as a consolation to mourning relatives, the mutual recognition of the saints at Christ's coming is hereby implied.

Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Fausset, and Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible First Thessalonians 4

Thine affliction in the loss of thy children, murdered for Christ's sake, shall not be fruitless to thee, as was the case in thy giving birth to the "child of thy sorrow," Benjamin. Primarily, also, thy grief shall not be perpetual: the exiles shall return, and the land be inhabited again [Calvin].

Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Fausset, and Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible Jeremiah 31

‘If we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with Him.’ That future companionship is guaranteed to the Christian man by the words of Incarnate Truth, and by the resurrection of his Lord. The ground of it is enough, and the contents are enough—enough for faith; enough for hope; enough for peace; enough for work; and eminently enough for comfort.

Alexander Maclaren, St John Chaps. I to XIV 1.50 (Expositions of Holy Scripture, Vol. 10)

That is the characteristic doctrinal subject of the letter. We all know that wonderful passage of unsurpassed tenderness and majesty, which has soothed so many hearts and been like a gentle hand laid upon so many aching spirits, about the returning Jesus 'coming in the clouds,' with the dear ones that are asleep along with Him, and the reunion of them that sleep and them that are alive and remain, in one indissoluble concord and concourse, when we shall ever be with the Lord, and 'clasp inseparable hands with joy and bliss in over-measure for ever.'

Alexander Maclaren, Second Corinthians, Galatians, Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians, and First Timothy 2.3.10 (Expositions of Holy Scripture, Vol. 14)

They may eulogize you for the smiling face with which you bore the loss of your daughters, or for the resolution with which, forty days after they fell asleep, you exchanged your mourning for a white robe to attend the dedication of a martyr’s bones; unconcerned for a bereavement which was the concern of the whole city, and anxious only to share in a martyr’s triumph. Nay, say they, when you bore your wife to burial, it was not as one dead but as one setting forth on a journey. But I shall not deceive you with flattering words or take the ground from under your feet with slippery praises.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 118 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

Seest thou, that thy lamentation is not from loss of his society, but from want of faith. But the children of a father that is dead are not equally illustrious. Wherefore? They have God for their Father, and are they not illustrious? How many can I show you brought up by widows, who have become famous, how many who have been under their fathers, and have been undone!

John Chrysostom, Homilies on First Thessalonians 6 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 13)

Behold, for example, how this woman by practicing true wisdom even here received her reward. For when all were sitting by her as she mourned and lamented, she did not wait that the Master should come to her, nor did she maintain what might have seemed her due, nor was she restrained by her sorrow, (for, in addition to the other wretchedness, mourning women have this malady, that they wish to be made much of on account of their case,) but she was not at all so affected; as soon as she heard, she quickly came to Him.

John Chrysostom, The Homilies of St. John Chrysostom on the Gospel of St. John 65 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 14)

But when they heard what we were doing, many brethren and religious women came together; and whilst they whose office it was were, according to custom, making ready for the funeral, I, in a part of the house where I conveniently could, together with those who thought that I ought not to be left alone, discoursed on what was suited to the occasion; and by this alleviation of truth mitigated the anguish known unto Thee—they being unconscious of it, listened intently, and thought me to be devoid of any sense of sorrow. But in Thine ears, where none of them heard, did I blame the softness of my feelings, and restrained the flow of my grief, which yielded a little unto me; but the paroxysm returned again, though not so as to burst forth into tears, nor to a change of countenance, though I knew what I repressed in my heart.

Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions 9.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 1)

Doubtless that part, “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead,” etc., might be expounded as a correction of immoderate grief; because we know how intemperately men set themselves against God when they give the reins to their sorrow; but since the object of the Gentiles was to pay what was due to the dead, and to celebrate their funeral obsequies as a kind of propitiation, it is probable, and more suitable, that by the whole context those preposterous gestures are condemned, which were proofs of piety among the Gentiles, but which would have been defilements to the people of God.

John Calvin, Harmony of the Law, Vol. 2 1.6.3 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 4)

Moses restrains his brother from giving way to excessive grief; for this was a very bitter stroke after their recent joy to see himself at once deprived of two sons on the same day, and at the same moment, he might, too, have been disposed to murmur against God for the cause of their death. Lest, therefore, He should give way to such want of self-control, Moses reminds him that he must submit to the just judgment of God.

John Calvin, Harmony of the Law, Vol. 3 6.8 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 5)

Since Rachel therefore does not accept this kind of consolation when offered, we infer that she was completely oppressed with pain. She therefore died in agonies, thinking of nothing but her sad childbirth and her own sorrows: from the feeling of which she gave a name to her son; but Jacob afterwards corrected the error. For the chance of the name sufficiently shows, that, in his judgment, the excess of sorrow in his wife was wrong; seeing that she had branded his son with a sinister and opprobrious name; for that sadness is not free from ingratitude, which so occupies our minds in adversity that the kindness of God does not exhilarate them; or, at least, does not infuse some portion of sweetness to mitigate our grief.

John Calvin, Commentary on Genesis, Vol. 2 35.1 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 2)

The grief arising from his sudden bereavement did not allow of this; but it was not a just defense; for he ought rather to have striven against the feelings of the flesh, so that his domestic calamity should not withhold him from the service of God. But, inasmuch as in his perplexity his fear was deserving of pity, Moses forgives him; and it is said that he was appeased, because he finds less of evil than he supposed.

John Calvin, Harmony of the Law, Vol. 3 6.8 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 5)

S. Jerome tells us that his beloved daughter, S. Paula, was not only extreme, but obstinate in practising bodily mortifications, and refusing to yield to the advice given her upon that head by her Bishop, S. Epiphanius; and furthermore, she gave way so excessively to her grief at the death of those she loved as to peril her own life. Whereupon S. Jerome says: “It will be said that I am accusing this saintly woman rather than praising her, but I affirm before Jesus, Whom she served, and Whom I seek to serve, that I am not saying what is untrue on one side or the other, but simply describing her as one Christian another; that is to say, I am writing her history, not her panegyric, and her faults are the virtues of others.”

Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life 3.2

Elkanah had gently reproved Hannah for her inordinate grief, and here we find the good effect of the reproof. I. It brought her to her meat. She ate and drank, v. 9 . She did not harden herself in sorrow, nor grow sullen when she was reproved for it; but, when she perceived her husband uneasy that she did not come and eat with them, she cheered up her own spirits as well as she could, and came to table. It is as great a piece of self-denial to control our passions as it is to control our appetites.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on First Samuel 1.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 2)

Those that have lost Christ have cause to weep; she wept at the remembrance of his bitter sufferings; wept for his death, and the loss which she and her friends and the country sustained by it; wept to think of returning home without him; wept because she did not now find his body. … Weeping must not hinder seeking. Though she wept, she stooped down and looked in. (2.) Those are likely to seek and find that seek with affection, that seek in tears.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on John 20.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

Note, Weeping must not hinder sowing. Though they were in tears for the death of Christ, yet they must apply themselves to the sanctifying of the sabbath; and, when the sabbath draws on, there must be preparation.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Luke 23.6 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

This was an expression, either, First, Of his displeasure at the inordinate grief of those about him, as Mark v. 39 : " Why make ye this ado and weep? What a hurry is here! does this become those that believe in a God, a heaven, and another world?" Or, Secondly, Of his feeling sense of the calamitous state of human lie, and the power of death, to which fallen man is subject.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on John 11.3 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

The house was in a hurry: such work does death make, when it comes into a family; and, perhaps, the necessary cares that arise at such a time, when our dead is to be decently buried out of our sight, give some useful diversion to that grief which is apt to prevail and play the tyrant. The people in the neighbourhood came together to condole on account of the loss, to comfort the parents, to prepare for, and attend on, the funeral, which the Jews were not wont to defer long. The musicians were among them, according to the custom of the Gentiles, with their doleful, melancholy tunes, to increase the grief, and stir up the lamentations of those that attended on this occasion; as (they say) is usual among the Irish, with their Ahone, Ahone. Thus they indulged a passion that is apt enough of itself to grow intemperate, and affected to sorrow as those that had no hope.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Matthew 9.4 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

The superstitious marks of sorrow, as well as the violent excesses in which the heathen indulged at the death of their friends, were forbidden by a general law to the Hebrew people (Le 19:28). But the priests were to be laid under a special injunction, not only that they might exhibit examples of piety in the moderation of their grief, but also by the restraint of their passions, be the better qualified to administer the consolations of religion to others, and show, by their faith in a blessed resurrection, the reasons for sorrowing not as those who have no hope.

Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Fausset, and Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible Leviticus 21

But extreme grief, like every other passion, is blind, and Jacob, great as his affliction was, did allow himself to indulge his sorrow more than became one who believed in the government of a supreme and all-wise Disposer.

Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Fausset, and Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible Genesis 37

Who is so stony of heart as not to have shed a warm tear over him? I especially have been filled with mourning at the thought of all the marks of respect which I have received from him, and of the general protection which he has extended to the Churches of God. Nevertheless, I have bethought me that he was human, and had done the work he had to do in this life, and now in the appointed time has been taken back again by God Who ordains our lots.

Basil of Caesarea, The Letters 269 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 8)

I need not tell you how I sighed and wept. Who could be so stony-hearted, so truly inhuman, as to be insensible to what has occurred, or be affected by merely moderate grief? He is gone; heir of a noble house, prop of a family, a father’s hope, offspring of pious parents, nursed with innumerable prayers, in the very bloom of manhood, torn from his father’s hands. These things are enough to break a heart of adamant and make it feel.

Basil of Caesarea, The Letters 5 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 8)

For my grief for lost friends has known no intermission and only recently have I recovered sufficient composure to write an old man’s letter to a little child. My affection for you, brother Gaudentius, has induced me to make the attempt and I have thought it better to say a few words than to say nothing at all. The grief that paralyses my will will excuse my brevity; whereas, were I to say nothing, the sincerity of my friendship might well be doubted.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 128 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

Wherefore, I beseech you, pardon me my backwardness: I have been so completely overcome by the falling asleep of the holy and venerable Paula that except my translation of this book I have hitherto written nothing bearing on sacred subjects. As you yourself know, I have suddenly lost the comforter whom I have led about with me, not—the Lord is my witness—to minister to my own needs, but for the relief and refreshment of the saints upon whom she has waited with all diligence. Your holy and estimable daughter Eustochium (who refuses to be comforted for the loss of her mother), and with her all the brotherhood humbly salute you.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 99 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

That you have lingered some time at Rome your own language shews. Yet I feel sure that a yearning to see your spiritual parents would have drawn you to your native country, had not grief for your mother deterred you lest a sorrow scarce bearable away might have proved unbearable at home.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 81 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

Every one has sufficient protection if courage is not wanting to the soul. And the very advance of age is a common defence of chastity for widows; and grief for the husband who is lost, regular work, the care of the house, anxiety for children, frequently ward off wantonness hurtful to the soul; while the very mourning attire, the funeral solemnities, the constant weeping, and grief impressed on the sad brow in deep wrinkles, restrains wanton eyes, checks lust, turns away forward looks. The sorrow of regretful affection is a good guardian of chastity, guilt cannot find an entrance if vigilance be not wanting.

Ambrose of Milan, Concerning Widows 9 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 10)

The Scripture tells us of a city called Nain in Judæa: a widow there had an only child, no longer a child in the sense of being among boys, but already passing from childhood to man’s estate: the narrative calls him “a young man.” The story conveys much in few words: the very recital is a real lamentation: the dead man’s mother, it says, “was a widow.” See you the weight of her misfortune, how the text briefly sets out the tragedy of her suffering? for what does the phrase mean? that she had no more hope of bearing sons, to cure the loss she had just sustained in him who had departed; for the woman was a widow: she had not in her power to look to another instead of to him who was gone; for he was her only child; and how great a grief is here expressed any one may easily see who is not an utter stranger to natural feeling.

Gregory of Nyssa, On the Making of Man 2.26 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 5)

But let me have all tears wiped away, for I feel that I am indulging more than is right in this womanish sorrow for our loss.

Gregory of Nyssa, Funeral Oration on Meletius 30 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 5)

Though he that is beloved should grieve him who loves him, anger no where shows itself; but tears and exhortations, and supplications; so far is love from being exasperated: and should she behold one in error, she mourns and is in pain; yet even this pain itself brings pleasure. For the very tears and the grief of love, are sweeter than any mirth and joy. For instance: they that laugh are not so refreshed as they that weep for their friends. And if thou doubt it, stop their tears; and they repine at it not otherwise than as persons intolerably ill-used.

John Chrysostom, Homilies on First Corinthians 33 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 12)

For it saith, “Rachel weeping for her children.” … Then to show that the wound that befell her was incurable and cruel, He saith, “she would not be comforted because they are not.”

John Chrysostom, The Homilies of St. John Chrysostom 12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 10)

29. I closed her eyes; and there flowed a great sadness into my heart, and it was passing into tears, when mine eyes at the same time, by the violent control of my mind, sucked back the fountain dry, and woe was me in such a struggle! But, as soon as she breathed her last the boy Adeodatus burst out into wailing, but, being checked by us all, he became quiet. In like manner also my own childish feeling, which was, through the youthful voice of my heart, finding escape in tears, was restrained and silenced.

Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions 9.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 1)

So, when the body was carried forth, we both went and returned without tears. For neither in those prayers which we poured forth unto Thee when the sacrifice of our redemption was offered up unto Thee for her,—the dead body being now placed by the side of the grave, as the custom there is, prior to its being laid therein,—neither in their prayers did I shed tears; yet was I most grievously sad in secret all the day, and with a troubled mind entreated Thee, as I was able, to heal my sorrow, but Thou didst not; fixing, I believe, in my memory by this one lesson the power of the bonds of all habit, even upon a mind which now feeds not upon a fallacious word.

Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions 9.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 1)

Well did one say of his friend, “Thou half of my soul,” for I felt that my soul and his soul were but one soul in two bodies; and, consequently, my life was a horror to me, because I would not live in half. And therefore, perchance, was I afraid to die, lest he should die wholly whom I had so greatly loved.

Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions 4.6 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 1)

It appeared to me also a good thing to go and bathe, I having heard that the bath [ balneum ] took its name from the Greek βαλανεῖον , because it drives trouble from the mind. Lo, this also I confess unto Thy mercy, “Father of the fatherless,” that I bathed, and felt the same as before I had done so. For the bitterness of my grief exuded not from my heart. Then I slept, and on awaking found my grief not a little mitigated

Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions 9.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 1)

What, then, was that which did grievously pain me within, but the newly-made wound, from having that most sweet and dear habit of living together suddenly broken off? I was full of joy indeed in her testimony, when, in that her last illness, flattering my dutifulness, she called me “kind,” and recalled, with great affection of love, that she had never heard any harsh or reproachful sound come out of my mouth against her. But yet, O my God, who madest us, how can the honour which I paid to her be compared with her slavery for me? As, then, I was left destitute of so great comfort in her, my soul was stricken, and that life torn apart as it were, which, of hers and mine together, had been made but one.

Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions 9.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 1)

But, besides the punishments of childhood, without which there would be no learning of what the parents wish,—and the parents rarely wish anything useful to be taught,—who can describe, who can conceive the number and severity of the punishments which afflict the human race,—pains which are not only the accompaniment of the wickedness of godless men, but are a part of the human condition and the common misery,—what fear and what grief are caused by bereavement and mourning, by losses and condemnations, by fraud and falsehood, by false suspicions, and all the crimes and wicked deeds of other men? For at their hands we suffer robbery, captivity, chains, imprisonment, exile, torture, mutilation, loss of sight, the violation of chastity to satisfy the lust of the oppressor, and many other dreadful evils.

Augustine of Hippo, City of God 22.22 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 2)

I demand, in the name of humanity, that if men are praised for tears shed over enemies conquered by themselves, a weak girl should not be counted criminal for bewailing her lover slaughtered by the hand of her brother. While, then, that maiden was weeping for the death of her betrothed inflicted by her brother’s hand, Rome was rejoicing that such devastation had been wrought on her mother state, and that she had purchased a victory with such an expenditure of the common blood of herself and the Albans.

Augustine of Hippo, City of God 3.14 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 2)

He sees his whole family famishing: he would rather be torn away from life than from his son: whence we gather that he was not iron-hearted: but his patience is the more deserving of praise, because he contended with the infirmity of the flesh, and did not sink under it. And although Moses does not give a rhetorical amplification to his language, we nevertheless easily perceive that he was overcome with excessive grief, when he thus complained to his sons, You are too cruel to your father, in taking away from me a third son, after I have been plundered of first one and then another.

John Calvin, Commentary on Genesis, Vol. 2 42.1 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 2)

For when one has many children and one dies, he patiently bears his death; but when any one is bereaved of an only-begotten, there is no end nor moderation to his grief; for there is no comfort remaining. This is the reason why the Prophet says, that there would be grief, such as that which is felt for an only-begotten.

John Calvin, Commentary on Joel, Amos, and Obadiah Amos 8.9 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 27)

And Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death . Since his grief for the death of his mother was now first assuaged, we infer how great had been its vehemence; for a period sufficiently long had already elapsed. We may also hence infer, that the affection of Isaac was tender and gentle: and that his love to his mother was of no common kind, seeing he had so long lamented her death. And the knowledge of this fact is useful to prevent us from imagining that the holy patriarchs were men of savage manners and of iron hardness of heart, and from becoming like those who conceive fortitude to consist in brutality.

John Calvin, Commentary on Genesis, Vol. 2 24.1 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 2)

The sorrow of children for the death of their parents is sometimes counterfeited, is often small, and soon wears off and is forgotten; but the sorrow of parents for a child, for a son, for an only son, for a first-born, is natural, sincere, unforced, and unaffected, it is secret and lasting; such are the sorrows of a true penitent, flowing purely from love to Christ above any other.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Zechariah 12.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 4)

Now the inhabitants of Ramah did in like manner grieve for their sons and their daughters that were carried away (as 1 Sam. xxx. 6 ), and such a voice of lamentation was there as, to speak poetically, might even have raised Rachel out of her grave to mourn with them. The tender parents even refused to be comforted for their children, because they were not, were not with them, but were in the hands of their enemies; they were never likely to see them any more.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Jeremiah 31.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 4)

Martha's natural temper was active and busy; she loved to be here and there, and at the end of every thing; and this had been a snare to her when by it she was not only careful and cumbered about many things, but hindered from the exercises of devotion: but now in a day of affliction this active temper did her a kindness, kept the grief from her heart, and made her forward to meet Christ, and so she received comfort from him the sooner.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on John 11.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 5)

But excessive grief has an absorbing and stupefying effect on the mind and memory. Mary could think of nothing but that her Lord’s body was gone, and this swallowed up all her thoughts.

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on John John 20:11-18 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 4)

Jacob, it is true, mourned for Joseph, whom he fancied slain, and thought to meet only in the grave (his words were: “I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning”), but he only did so because Christ had not yet broken open the door of paradise, nor quenched with his blood the flaming sword and the whirling of the guardian cherubim. (Hence in the story of Dives and Lazarus, Abraham and the beggar, though really in a place of refreshment, are described as being in hell. ) And David, who, after interceding in vain for the life of his infant child, refused to weep for it, knowing that it had not sinned, did well to weep for a son who had been a parricide—in will, if not in deed. And when we read that, for Moses and Aaron, lamentation was made after ancient custom, this ought not to surprise us, for even in the Acts of the Apostles, in the full blaze of the gospel, we see that the brethren at Jerusalem made great lamentation for Stephen. This great lamentation, however, refers not to the mourners, but to the funeral procession and to the crowds which accompanied it.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 39 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

The bodies of the dead were dried by a slow fire. This was not indeed commonly done, but only at the burials of kings, as it appears from the case of Asa and of others. ( 2 Chronicles 16:14 ) Then he says, With the burnings of thy fathers shall they burn thee, and they shall lament thee, “Alas! Lord,” it may be asked, whether these lamentations were approved by God? To this there is a ready answer, — that the Prophet does not here commend immoderate mourning, and cryings, and ejaculations, when he says, they shall lament thee, but that he took the expression from what was commonly done, as though he had said, “They shall perform for thee this office of humanity, such as is usually done over the remains of kings in full power, in the day of their prosperity.” God, then, in speaking here of lamentation and mourning, does not commend them as virtues, or as worthy of praise, but refers only to what was then commonly done.

John Calvin, Commentary on Jeremiah and Lamentations, Vol. 4 34.3 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 20)

We have seen elsewhere, and we shall hereafter see, ( Jeremiah 22 ) that it is a proof of a curse when the dead are not buried, and when no one laments their death: for it is the common duty of humanity for relations and friends who survive, to mourn for the dead and to bury them. … For we lament the dead when leisure is allowed us; but when many are slain in war they are not individually lamented, and then their carcases he confused, and one grave is not sufficient for such a number.

John Calvin, Commentary on Jeremiah and Lamentations, Vol. 2 16.1 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 18)

But we see that men vied with one another in lamenting for the dead; for it was deemed a shame not to shew grief at the death of their friends. When tears did not flow, when the nearest relations did not howl for the dead, they thought them inhuman; hence it was, that there was much dissimulation in their mourning; and it was foolishly regarded an alleviation to extend the cup of consolation. But as I have said before, the Prophet here did not point out what was right, but borrowed his words from what was commonly practiced.

John Calvin, Commentary on Jeremiah and Lamentations, Vol. 2 16.4 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 18)

Moreover, a lively picture of a hypocrite is here set before us. He pretends that the death of his father would be to him a mournful event: and doubtless it is a religious duty to mourn over a deceased father. But it was a mere pretense on his part, to speak of the day of mourning, when in his haste to execute the impious murder of his brother, the death of his father seemed to come too slowly, and he rejoiced at the prospect of its approach. With what face could he ever pretend to any human affection, when he gasps for his brother’s death, and at the same time attempts to subvert all the laws of nature?

John Calvin, Commentary on Genesis, Vol. 2 27.1 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 2)

The first law contains a prohibition of mourning, absolutely and without exception as regarded the high priest, and as regarded the sons of Aaron with certain specified restrictions; for although God elsewhere forbids the people generally to imitate the custom of the Gentiles in excessive mourning, yet here he requires something more of the priests, viz., that they should abstain even from ordinary mourning, such as was permitted to others. This prohibition indeed was again repeated, as we shall see, arising from an actual occurrence; for when Nadab and Abihu, who had offered incense with strange fire, were consumed with fire from heaven, God allowed them to be mourned for by all the people, except the priests; but on this occasion the general law was again ratified afresh, lest the priests should pollute themselves by mourning for the dead; except that there mourning was forbidden even for a domestic loss, that they might acquiesce in God’s judgment, however sad it might be.

John Calvin, Harmony of the Law, Vol. 2 2.4.8 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 4)

That the priests must not mourn. Aaron and his two surviving sons, though sad in spirit, must not use any outward expressions of sorrow upon this sad occasion, nor so much as follow the corpse one step from the door of the tabernacle, v. 7 . It was afterwards forbidden to the high priest to use the ceremonies of mourning for the death of any friend whatsoever, though it were a father or mother ( ch. xxi. 11 ); yet it was allowed at the same time to the inferior priests to mourn for their near relations, v. 2, 3 .

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Leviticus 10.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 1)

The learned bishop Patrick observes that there is no mention of any days of mourning being observed for Joshua, as there were for Moses and Aaron, in which, he says, St. Hierom and others of the fathers think there is a mystery, namely, that under the law, when life and immortality were not brought to so clear a light as they are now, they had reason to mourn and weep for the death of their friends; but now that Jesus, our Joshua, has opened the kingdom of heaven, we may rather rejoice.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Joshua 24.3 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 2)

What a damp and disappointment it was to them to find the king in tears for Absalom's death, which they construed as a token of displeasure against them for what they had done, whereas they expected him to have met them with joy and thanks for their good services: It was told Joab, v. 1 . … The more eyes we have upon us, and the greater our influence is, the more need we have to speak and act wisely and to govern our passions strictly. … How the king proclaimed his passion, of which he ought to have been ashamed, and which he would have striven to smother and conceal if he had consulted either his reputation for courage, which was lessened by his mean submission to the tyranny of so absurd a passion, or his interest in the people, which would be prejudiced by his discountenancing what was done in zeal for his honour and the public safety.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Second Samuel 19.1 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 2)

When man goes to his long home the mourners go about the streets —the real mourners, and those, as now with us, distinguished by their habits as they go along the streets,—the mourners for ceremony, that were hired to weep for the dead, both to express and to excite the real mourning. When we die we not only remove to a melancholy house before us, but we leave a melancholy house behind us. Tears are a tribute due to the dead, and this, among other circumstances, makes it a serious thing to die. But in vain do we go to the house of mourning, and see the mourners go about the streets, if it do not help to make us serious and pious mourners in the closet.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Ecclesiastes 12.1 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 3)

Jeremiah must not go to the house of mourning upon occasion of the death of any of his neighbours or relations ( v. 5 ): Enter thou not into the house of mourning. It was usual to condole with those whose relations were dead, to bemoan them, to cut themselves, and make themselves bald, which, it seems, was commonly practised as an expression of mourning, though forbidden by the law, Deut. xiv. 1 . Nay, sometimes, in a passion of grief, they did tear themselves for them ( v. 6, 7 ), partly in honour of the deceased, thus signifying that they thought there was a great loss of them, and partly in compassion to the surviving relations, to whom the burden will be made the lighter by their having sharers with them in their grief. They used to mourn with them, and so to comfort them for the dead, as Job's friends with him and the Jews with Martha and Mary; and it was a friendly office to give them a cup of consolation to drink, to provide cordials for them and press them earnestly to drink of them for the support of their spirits, give wine to those that are of heavy heart for their father or mother, that it may be some comfort to them to find that, though they have lost their parents, yet they have some friends left that have a concern for them.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Jeremiah 16.1 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 4)

Seven days - Which was the usual time of mourning for the dead, and therefore proper both for Job's children, and for Job himself, who was in a manner dead, while he lived: not that they continued in this posture so long together, which the necessities of nature could not bear; but they spent the greatest part of that time in sitting with him, and silent mourning over him. None spake - About his afflictions and the causes of them. The reason of this silence was the greatness of their grief for him, and their surprize and astonishment at his condition; because they thought it convenient to give him time to vent his own sorrows, and because as yet they knew not what to say to him: for though they had ever esteemed him to be a truly good man, and came with full purpose to comfort him, yet the prodigious greatness of his miseries, and that hand of God which they perceived in them, made them now question his sincerity, so that they could not comfort him as they had intended, and yet were loth to grieve him with reproofs.

John Wesley, Notes on the Bible 45.2

And hence it is noted as a peculiar case, that Ezekiel, who was a priest, was forbidden to mourn for his wife, Ezek. xxiv, 16, &c. These exceptions God makes in condescension to human infirmity, because in such cases it was very hard to restrain the affections.

John Wesley, Notes on the Bible 30.21

He observed the ceremony of solemn mourning for him. Forty days were taken up in embalming the body, which the Egyptians had an art of doing so curiously, as to preserve the very features of the face unchanged. All this time, and thirty days more, seventy in all, they either confined themselves and sat solitary, or when they went out, appeared in the habit of close mourners, according to the decent custom of the country. Even the Egyptians, many of them, out of the respect they had for Joseph, put themselves into mourning for his father.

John Wesley, Notes on the Bible 28.50

For if they that weep seem to share in the grief of those in sorrow, and gratify them mightily, and remove the excess of their woe, much more do they also that rejoice with others, make their pleasure greater. For how great an evil it is not to have companions in sorrow, hear the Prophet saying, “And I looked for one to lament with me, but there was none.” Wherefore Paul also saith, “Rejoice with them that rejoice; and weep with them that weep.” ( Rom. xii. 15 .)

John Chrysostom, Homilies on Colossians 11 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 13)

Night, again, is not only a medicine for bodily labours, but also for mental diseases, in giving rest to anguished souls. Ofttimes it happeneth that some one hath lost a son; and comforters without number have been of no avail to withdraw him from tears and groans. But on the approach of night, conquered by the despotic power of sleep, he hath closed his eyelids in slumber, and received some small relief from the miseries of the day time.

John Chrysostom, The Homilies on the Statues to the People of Antioch 10 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 9)

For such is the nature of true love, that one prefers to weep with his brother, rather than to look at a distance on his grief, and to live in pleasure or ease. What is meant then is, — that we, as much as possible, ought to sympathize with one another, and that, whatever our lot may be, each should transfer to himself the feeling of another, whether of grief in adversity, or of joy in prosperity.

John Calvin, Commentary on Romans 12.5 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 38)

Even the Egyptians, many of them, out of the great respect they had for Joseph (whose good offices done for the king and country were now fresh in remembrance), put themselves into mourning for his father: as with us, when the court goes into mourning, those of the best quality do so too. About ten weeks was the court of Egypt in mourning for Jacob. Note, What they did in state, we should do in sincerity, weep with those that weep, and mourn with those that mourn, as being ourselves also in the body.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Genesis 50.1 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 1)

Those who mourn with them that mourn will bear their own sorrows the better when it comes to their turn to drink of the bitter cup.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Job 30.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 3)

It is good for two to travel together, for if one happen to fall, he may be lost for want of a little help. If a man fall into sin, his friend will help to restore him with the spirit of meekness; if he fall into trouble, his friend will help to comfort him and assuage his grief.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Ecclesiastes 4.3 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 3)

Many of these mourners, no doubt, knew nothing of the inner life of these holy women. Their faith, their hope, their love to Christ, their discipleship, were things of which they were wholly ignorant. But they felt for them in their heavy bereavement, and kindly came to offer what comfort they could. By so doing they reaped a rich and unexpected reward. … How small sometimes are the hinges on which eternal life appears to depend! If these people had not sympathized they might never have been saved.

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on John John 11:30-37 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 4)

Let us strive to be men and women of a tender heart and a sympathizing spirit. Let us never be ashamed to weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice. Well would it be for the Church and the world if there were more Christians of this stamp and character!

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on John John 11:30-37 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 4)

We know what ancient Jewish usage would have demanded. For, of all the duties enjoined, none more strictly enforced by every consideration of humanity and piety, even by the example of God Himself, than that of comforting the mourners and showing respect to the dead by accompanying him to the burying. … The popular idea, that the spirit of the dead hovered about the unburied remains, must have given intensity to such feelings.

Alfred Edersheim, The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah 3.20

We may further note the intensity of Paul's sympathy. He speaks of Epaphroditus' recovery as a mercy to himself 'lest he should have the sorrow of imprisonment increased by the sorrow of his friend's death.' … He says nothing of his own loss or of how much more lonely he would be when the brother whom he had praised so warmly had left him alone. But he suns himself in the thought of the Philippians' joy, and in the hope that some reflection of it will travel across the seas to him, and make him, if not wholly glad, at any rate 'the less sorrowful.'

Alexander Maclaren, Second Corinthians, Galatians, Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians, and First Timothy 1.3.13 (Expositions of Holy Scripture, Vol. 14)

Nature shrieked over the limb which was severed from her; But the love of the Lord intoxicated the soul, that she should not perceive it. Nature loved, but the love of the Lord did conquer in the strife Within the soul of the mother, that she should not grieve for her beloved. And instead of suffering, her heart was filled with all emotions of joy; And, instead of mourning, she went forth in splendid apparel. And she accompanied him as he went out to be burned, and was elate, Because the love of the Lord vanquished that of nature.

Anonymous (ANF), Memoirs of Edessa And Other Ancient Syriac Documents 14.1 (Ante-Nicene Fathers, Vol. 8)

Consider the great trials which Job endured, and you will see that you are over-delicate. Amid the ruins of his house, the pains of his sores, his countless bereavements, and, last of all, the snares laid for him by his wife, he still lifted up his eyes to heaven, and maintained his patience unbroken. … For if so, you endure far less than your deserts.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 39 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

Long ago this wealthy proprietor and still wealthier father was made by a sudden stroke destitute and bereaved. But as, in spite of all that befel him, he had not sinned before God or spoken foolishly, the Lord—exulting in the victory of his servant and regarding Job’s patience as His own triumph—said to the devil: “Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity?” He finely adds the last clause because it is difficult for innocence to refrain from murmuring when it is overborne by misfortune; and to avoid making a shipwreck of faith when it sees that its sufferings are unjustly inflicted.

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 118 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

The close translation is simply, “If I be bereaved, I am bereaved.” And this may be the language of entire resignation to the will of God. Jacob had had a severe struggle in his mind, before he could give up his beloved Benjamin: But having at length succeeded, he seems now freely to surrender himself and his family to the divine will. “If I am bereaved, I am bereaved.” I know the worst, and I am prepared to meet it.

John Calvin, Commentary on Genesis, Vol. 2 43.1 (Calvin's Commentaries, Vol. 2)

Afflictions should rather quicken us to our duty than take us off from it. … That Aaron should take comfort under the loss of two of his sons, from this consideration, that God had graciously spared him the other two, and that he had reason to be thankful for the remnant that was left, and all his sons were not dead, and, in token of his thankfulness to God, to go on cheerfully in his work. 2. That God's sparing them should be an engagement upon them to proceed in his service, and not to fly off from it.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Leviticus 10.4 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 1)

When death comes into a family it ought to be improved for the reforming of what is amiss in the family: when relations are taken away from us we are put upon enquiry whether, in some instance or other, we are not out of the way of our duty, that we may return to it. God calls our sins to remembrance, when he slays a son, 1 Kings xvii. 18 .

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Ruth 1.2 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 2)

See what uncertain comforts children are; and let us therefore rejoice in them as though we rejoiced not. When the children are slain the mother gives up the ghost, for her life was bound up in theirs: Her sun has gone down while it was yet day; she is bereaved of all her comforts just when she thought herself in the midst of the enjoyment of them.

Matthew Henry, Commentary on Jeremiah 15.1 (Commentary on the Whole Bible, Vol. 4)

God does interpose in behalf of his children in giving them support and consolation; in sustaining them in the time of trial; in upholding them in bereavement and sorrow, and in granting them peace as they go into the valley of the shadow of death. The evidence here is clear, that there is a degree of comfort and peace given to true Christians in such seasons, and given in consequence of their religion, which is not granted to the wicked, and to which the devotees of the world are strangers.

Albert Barnes, Notes on the Bible Daniel 6:28

Are we ready to be purified by affliction, weaned from the world by bereavements, drawn nearer to God by losses, sicknesses, and sorrow? Alas! these are hard questions. But if we are not, our Lord might well say to us, "You don't know what you are asking."

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on Matthew Matthew 20:17-23 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 1)

Bereavements have proved mercies. Losses have proved real gains. Sicknesses have led them to the great Physician of souls, sent them to the Bible, shut out the world, shown them their own foolishness, taught them to pray.

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on Mark Mark 2:1-12 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 2)

But we know that we are in the hands of Him who "does all things well." He will not err in any of His dealings with us. He will take away and give--He will afflict and bereave--He will move and He will settle, with perfect wisdom, at the right time, in the right way. The great Shepherd of the sheep makes no mistakes.

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on Mark Mark 7:31-37 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 2)

All is going on well, even when we think all is going on ill. When we cannot see it, we must believe. In sickness, sorrow, bereavement, disappointment, we must summon up faith and patience and hear Christ saying to us, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you shall understand hereafter.”

J.C. Ryle, Expository Thoughts on John John 13:6-15 (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, Vol. 4)

Me have ye bereaved—This exclamation indicates a painfully excited state of feeling, and it shows how difficult it is for even a good man to yield implicit submission to the course of Providence. The language does not imply that his missing sons had got foul play from the hands of the rest, but he looks upon Simeon as lost, as well as Joseph, and he insinuates it was by some imprudent statements of theirs that he was exposed to the risk of losing Benjamin also.

Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Fausset, and Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible Genesis 42

If you are a believer, you must reackon on having your share of sickness and pain, of sorrow and tears, of losses and crosses, of deaths and bereavements, of partings and separations, of vexations and disappointments, so long as you are in the body. Christ never undertakes that you shall get to heaven without these. He has undertaken that all who come to Him shall have all things pertaining to life and godliness; but He has never undertaken that He will make them prosperous, or rich, or healthy, and that death and sorrow shall never come to their family.

J.C. Ryle, Holiness 13

And Blaise Pascal, in a wonderful letter written to a bereaved friend, instead of repeating the ordinary platitudes of consolation comforted him with the doctrine of Predestination

Loraine Boettner, The Reformed Doctrine of Predestination 39

Also the admirable mother, who, neither broken down by the weakness of her sex, nor moved by her manifold bereavement, looked upon her dying children with cheerfulness, and did not reckon those things punishments of her darlings, but glories, giving as great a witness to God by the virtue of her eyes, as her children had given by the tortures and suffering of their limbs; when, after the punishment and slaying of six, there remained one of the brethren, to whom the king promised riches, and power, and many things, that his cruelty and ferocity might be soothed by the satisfaction of even one being subdued, and asked that the mother would entreat that her son might be cast down with herself; she entreated, but it was as became a mother of martyrs—as became one who was mindful of the law and of God—as became one who loved her sons not delicately, but bravely.

Cyprian of Carthage, The Treatises of Cyprian 11.13 (Ante-Nicene Fathers, Vol. 5)

Other husbands scatter on the graves of their wives violets, roses, lilies, and purple flowers; and assuage the grief of their hearts by fulfilling this tender duty. Our dear Pammachius also waters the holy ashes and the revered bones of Paulina, but it is with the balm of almsgiving. These are the confections and the perfumes with which he cherishes the dead embers of his wife knowing that it is written: “Water will quench a flaming fire; and alms maketh an atonement for sins.”

Jerome, The Letters of St. Jerome 66 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 2, Vol. 6)

But grant that he departed with sin upon him, even on this account one ought to rejoice, that he was stopped short in his sins and added not to his iniquity; and help him as far as possible, not by tears, but by prayers and supplications and alms and offerings. For not unmeaningly have these things been devised, nor do we in vain make mention of the departed in the course of the divine mysteries, and approach God in their behalf, beseeching the Lamb Who is before us, Who taketh away the sin of the world;—not in vain, but that some refreshment may thereby ensue to them.

John Chrysostom, Homilies on First Corinthians 42 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 12)

Let us not weep for him who is already dead, but let us weep for the rapacious man, the grasping, the covetous, the insatiable. Why should we mourn for the dead, in whose case it is impossible henceforth to effect anything? Let us mourn for these who are capable even of change.

John Chrysostom, The Homilies of St. John Chrysostom on the Gospel of St. John 66 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 14)

Wherefore all these last offices and ceremonies that concern the dead, the careful funeral arrangements, and the equipment of the tomb, and the pomp of obsequies, are rather the solace of the living than the comfort of the dead.

Augustine of Hippo, City of God 1.12 (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series 1, Vol. 2)

Not slight, therefore, is our grief in hearing that you have to sorrow for your brother’s passing away ( transitu ). For which reason we beseech Almighty God to console you by the breathing ( aspiratione ) of His grace, and keep you with heavenly guardianship from evil spirits and perverse men.

Anonymous (ANF), The Decretals 6.1 (Ante-Nicene Fathers, Vol. 8)